Its Not In Your Head! (Perimenopause & Gaslighting Culture)

I went to a social activity yesterday and once again found myself having a conversation with a group of women in their late 30s and 40s. The discussion turned to the most recent gaslighting from medical providers about pain and physical stuff. One of the women had been diagnosed with endometriosis some years ago. Her current doctor flippantly brushed off the diagnosis and just told her to take some Tylenol. She spent days doubled over in pain, some days unable to keep food down, and weeks where her bleeding was hard enough to be scary. Some of you know what I’m talking about. Those weeks.

Another of the women was very clearly in the early stages of perimenopause. She talked about her body thermostat being broken, being cold and hot at the same time and waking up sweating. After a little discussion, she realized she was also experiencing some brain fog and weird mood swings that had just never been part of her life before. One of the other women talked about anxiety appearing in her life for the first time in her 40s.

These women were experiencing things that many people who live in female bodies understand. Endometriosis is a very painful disorder. It’s not in your imagination, and it’s definitely not something to be ignored or dismissed by a medical provider. And the symptoms of perimenopause happen to everyone who resides in a female body.

Our hormones impact all kinds of things in our physical body, including our brains! Unfortunately, western medicine has taught us that if something can’t be diagnosed with a blood test or seen on an x-ray, it must be in your head. And somehow along the way we’ve decided that if something is in our head, it’s not real. Both of these assumptions are incorrect.

Hormonal changes impact more than just our reproductive organs. Mood, joints, skin, hair, ability to focus, emotional resilience, all of these things are directly influenced by the changes of hormones that naturally occur as our bodies get a little bit older. Yes, even women who have had a hysterectomy or oopherectomy can still experience these things, despite what they may have been told (a recent danish research study actually found a life-extending benefit to hormone therapy for these women!). We aren’t broken. This is a natural and expected process, but it’s also one that has been tremendously taboo for decades. We are now living longer than ever, and when we hit age 50, it’s possible that we still have another 40 years left of life! In order for that to happen, some adjustments need to be made to how we take care of our skin and our hair, how we exercise our body, and how we apply the focus of our mind.

Some tips for you to consider during peri/menopause

1- Find some reputable sources of good information. Not everything online is a good resource, but the Internet does make Information more accessible than ever. Try the Mayo Clinic, Cleveland clinic, or WebMD for some good places to start. Use these resources to help structure questions for your healthcare providers. The name of the game here is to get a good dialogue going with your doctor. A meaningful treatment plan needs to be personal.

2- If your healthcare provider dismisses your concerns, or if you don’t feel like you’re being heard, or if your healthcare provider has ever just told you to wear layers (y’all know the conversation I’m talking about!), get another provider. You can get a second opinion if you don’t want to fully leave your primary provider, or you can try a telehealth service. Check the National Menopause Society for some guidance on how to find a doc who understands hormonal changes. Medical doctors are specialists, and sometimes what you’re going through may just not be their thing. Honestly, we ask physicians to be experts in an intensely huge body of knowledge, and they just can’t be great at everything. When that happens, it’s time to find a different provider.

3- Know that you aren’t losing your mind. Mood swings and brain fog, weird joint pain, leaking and bladder changes, strange body changes… These things are all common when our hormones decide to party without telling us in advance. Don’t be embarrassed. Talk to other women. You might find that you’re much less alone than you think. If you are really struggling and can’t get out of your own head, reach out for some professional support. A therapist or a life coach can be a great ally during these kinds of transitions.

4- There is nothing wrong with trying herbal, naturopathic, or ayurvedic approaches to health, but you must absolutely share this information with any medical provider that is prescribing other kinds of medications for you. Just because something isn’t regulated doesn’t mean that it can’t have an interaction. It’s an untrue story that doctors won’t talk about natural cures. Doctors are just as human as everyone else, and even if they don’t know much about it, it’s important for them to know that you’re taking something so that they can bear that in mind when they monitor symptoms, or prescribe a new medication. For example, if you take an antidepressant, there are some classes of medications that 100% do not play well with certain herbal remedies, but there are other types of medications that do the same thing and don’t have known interactions. Don’t avoid sharing information because you’re making assumptions or you’re afraid of being judged! Share the information and use your healthcare team to support your best approach to health.

Finding the right resources about peri/menopause

I do have some favorite books, YouTube and podcast people, and some providers that I personally like. I’m happy to share those through a private message or comments if you want to reach out (drtracywharton@gmail), but there’s nothing magical about the ones that I’ve found- there’s lots of good information out there. Just remember to be discerning and don’t trust something just because someone has the right degrees. You should hear some consistent information across multiple sources. Research on women’s health has been advancing over the last couple of decades, and more research is coming out all the time. There are a lot of options to help us reside more comfortably in our physical bodies, so don’t take no for an answer!

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Aging in a female body is an unfolding adventure. You’ve had coaches for all kinds of things in life: sports, music, jobs – why not now? If you think some life coaching would help support you, check out www.ThinkForwardTherapy.net